Making my life to be what I want. Live with gratitude and let go of Regrets.

Living a life with gratitude will have profound effects on you physically, emotionally and psychologically. Holding onto regret and resentment is bad not only physically and mentally but also for your relationships and your instincts.

Gratitude is expressing thankfulness for what you already have instead of focusing on what you don’t have. Letting go and forgiving will enhance your life; it means that you’re ready to move on and be happier.

Today, choose ‘letting go of regret’ – breathe in deeply; let it go, breathe it out.

Many clients I’ve coached reflect on past events with regret whilst many become fixated with sadness, bitterness and even resentment echoing feelings of loss saying that they had given up ‘everything’ for the sake of their children/ marriage and how they regret not having travelled, studied further, explored their hobbies and/or progressed further in their careers. Some opt to be seen as victims or martyrs. We think of the ‘what if’ and ‘if only’ scenarios and the decisions we ‘could have’ and ‘should have’ made believing our lives may have been very different. We blame ourselves and we blame others for our decisions and actions. We expend energy thinking and second guessing about what we might have done differently. Either way, a lot of energy is wasted on remorse.

We may reflect on the discussions we could have had when we didn’t get that promotion or perhaps when we were retrenched. The actions and decisions we should have made in our relationship instead of an acrimonious divorce. We may thrive on being the victim when we tell our children of all our sacrifices for them and the trip to a tropical island we turned down.
Usually the result of this mastication is to feed our resentment and bitterness. We drain our energy and miss new opportunities as we live in the past. We need to realise that whilst in some instances we can make amends for our mistakes we cannot undo them. What is done is done and what’s gone is gone. Rather, we need to centre ourselves, stay in the moment, learn from our mistakes and move on. Let it go….

When we drive a car we look ahead. We glance in the rear view mirror from time to time as we tune into what is happening around and behind us whilst maintain our focus ahead – we do not get stuck in staring at the rear view mirror.

Using this approach we can reflect and learn from our mistakes turning our regrets into catalysts for change as we move forward in living a meaningful life.
Living with gratitude reminds us not to overlook all the good that has come from our decisions and actions.

I recall receiving a Gratitude Journal with an Oprah magazine – a pretty yet blank book. I thought this a beautiful beginning. It is easy to say thank you when all the boxes in your life are ticked… your love is reciprocated, sufficient money in the bank and you’re in great health. It is when you face the loss of a loved one, maybe you’re retrenched and have no idea how to make ends meet or suddenly you experience a serious health issue – that’s when gratitude is challenging. Gratitude keeps us grounded when we feel things are falling apart. Besides, we need to be reminded of all that we have and the possibilities out there.

Practising gratitude every day is a transformative tool that over time will help us see what opportunities there are and induce an awakening of just how blessed you are.
You may wish to journal your thoughts and feelings so that you can reflect on your journey. Maybe just write thoughts as they come to you. That’s how many people are inspired to write poetry.
Today, write all that you are thankful for; perhaps write a few important points on a post it note placed next to your bed; take a moment, reread these and infuse your life with appreciation and awe. Go to sleep and wake up with a happy and grateful heart.

So when you find yourself wallowing with feelings of regret, disappointment and guilt – remember the good times when you did do the right thing and you were happy and fulfilled. Knowing you have a list of things that you are grateful for will make you more observant and compassionate. You’ll adopt a more optimistic attitude and start to see the extraordinary in the ordinary.

Reflect and journal how these positive memories differ from the memories that are filled with regret, shame and remorse. Turn negatives into positives by changing your terminology. Think of setbacks as challenges; tormentors as teachers; pain as a signal. Regret helps us clarify what is and is not important to us.

What could you do differently next time – how can you modify your actions and attitude so that it is consistent with your positive memories?

Today, forgive yourself and let go of any resentment or grudge; give thanks for all the choices and decisions you have made. By doing so, you can move beyond self-blame and blaming others; the pangs of sorrow and remorse that comes from being stuck in regrets.

Take as your mantra for the week:

“To regret is to live afresh” Henry David Thoreau

What are you grateful for today?